JUST GOT LUCKY novel Chapter 74

CHAPTER 73

HEARTBREAK

LINDY’S POV

I lay on my bed, staring at the white ceiling of my room and I still cannot believe how things turned out in my life. Other students in school were praising me and calling me their inspiration and it felt truly overwhelming to hear it. My mind was floating and all my thoughts were still about Harry and wondered if I ever come across in his mind all these days that he has been avoiding me and ignorning me.

I just wanted to know where I went wrong because until now, I am still blaming myself that this all because of me.

I have not moved from this bed and I have been lying here for two hours. I didn’t want to go anywhere and despite the support that I have been getting from all these poeple, I was still sad because Harry has not reached out to me. He has not talked to me and it was thr most hurtful thing that ever happened in my life.

I was home alone and even if Martha asked me to go out with her, I told her I wanted to be alone for a while. She warned me not to cry and warned me that I should not reach out Harry anymore because he was not worth it. I know he is not worth but the thought that he can take all these days without talking to me hurts me so much more than it already is. The pain was lingering and I don’t know how I can be able to recover from all of this.

My lawn has been spotless from all the paps that has been following me and I was glad how they have managed to leave me alone. I grabbed my phone and I know I promised Martha that I had to stop reaching out to Harry and I know I will regret doing this. I opened my conversation with Harry and he has left me on seen a few days ago and I wanted to type all the words I want to tell Harry before I finally move on and forget this feeling I have for him.

I typed.

Those emerald eyes that never cease to amazes me. That contagious dimpled smile that always gets the best of me. Those lips and how they speak to me words I want to hear and words that comforts me. The way you sing to me. The way you talk to me. Those songs you wrote all for me. They way you made me feel as if I was special to you. How will I be able to un-love you?

I hit sent but I typed again as I feel my tears flooding my eyes.

Everything seems alright when I am with you and those times I spent with you will never leave me alone. It felt like a dream that I did not want to wake up. I didn’t care about everything because I had you.

I wiped my tears as I hit sent.

But these past days, it felt like you suddenly didn’t care anymore. It felt like you suddenly disappeared out of my life without even telling me why and why you did these things to me. Why didn’t you say goodbye? Why did you make me feel like this? Why did you hurt me? Do I deserve all this? You said we’ll try to work things out but all of a sudden you got tired and didn’t say goodbye at all.

My tears flooding my eyes again the moment he opened my messages. He is online and reading it.

I typed: I wish this was a lyric prank but it’s no, this is reality.

My fingers were shaking as I type some more.

It’s depressing not to hear your voice all these days when I wanted, not being able to speak to you without talking about what really happened between us and not calling me up when I needed you the most. I was dealing with everything on my own.

I miss you.

I miss your kiss and your curly hair and I hope I can find a day where I can tell you I have finally moved on from you and what you did to me. For now, I’ll pretend I’m alright. I’ll pretend that you’re telling me that you hate seeing me cry so I will stop myself from cying all the time.

I thought you told me that you will fight for me? I can’t believe we’re letting this go. I deserve to know why you did this to me.

I lowered my head and placed my phone over my bed as I continued crying on my own Harry was still reading it and he was still online.

Maybe it’s time to let this go. Maybe I am way better if I am alone. Maybe all of this was a wrong time for the two of us and I guess I should respect your decision.

This will be the last time that you will hear from me Harry and I hope you get on with your life well. I thank God that I have found the good in goodbye.

I cried for a while after I went offline. When I finally had the strength to get up, I marched my way to the bathroom to take a hot bath. I know I need it. I started filling the tub with hot water and started stripping off from my clothes. I feel Harry's remnants of his touches on my skin and how he tease me all the time when he has the chance to.

I was on my undies and stared at myself in front of the mirror and I looked unhealthy. I looked stressed and gloomy. My eyes looked very swollen from all the crying and I pity myself for even going through this kind of pain and humiliation. I stared at myself even longer in the mirror, how drastic and pitiful I looked.

As soon as I finished drying myself up, I flinched when my phone was ringing.

Harold calling...

I realized that Harry had been calling me the entire time I was in the bathroom taking a shower. And, he is calling me right now. For some reason, my heart was skipping fast inside my chest and I am getting a little nervous why he is calling me all of a sudden after ruining me. Ruining us.

My hands were getting cold and getting a little shaky because it has been almost two weeks since he talked to me and tried reaching out for me. I wonder what he wants to say to me now.

The call went off since I didn't answer it. I don't know what to say to him. I don't want him to hear me so weak and so fragmented. I don't want to listen to him and more of his lies. I'm so fed up of everything. And I think I've ran out of words to say to Harry. I didn’t want to talk to him but I wanted to hear him again. I sigh deeply confused with my own thoughts while I was dragging myself down on the cold floor of the bedroom. I was feeling like I'm on the bottom of the ocean, drowning in my own ocean of tears.

My phone beeps again.

Harold calling…

I stared at it while he was trying to call me again before I breathe in heavily and exhaled every heavy feeling I have in my chest. I answered his call as I slowly placed my phone next to my ear but I didn’t want to say anything so there was silence and this was harder for me.

"Lindy..." He spoke softly.

My tears started filling my eyes when I heard a familiar voice answer. I didn't say anything because I don't know how to start conversing with him. I choke back a sob as I sit on the floor of my bedroom. My small hands clutching tightly onto the phone.

"I wanna talk to you." He says.

A breathy whimper escaping from my lips. I hurriedly bit my lip, eyes shut closed as the tears started escaping my eyes and rolled down my cheeks.

"I guess there is nothing really left." I answered.

I hear him exhaling deeply and heavily. He was quiet for a while and so was I. I think we were both trying to find the right words to say to each other.

"Look, I'm sorry." He blurted in a weak shaky voice.

I sob while wiping my eyes pathetically.

"Sorry?" I asked.

He didn't answer.

"I wish your sorry could take all the pain and humiliation I felt when you denied me. I wish your sorry can take away all the hurt I have felt when you told the world I was someone you nothing to you. I wish your sorry could change any single thing but it can't." I continued.

"I didn't want to hurt you." He cut me off.

"Yeah, 'course you didn't." I answered sarcastically, I wiped my tears away.

"Lindy I was forced by the management. They were threatening me and I wish you knew how hard it was for me to choose. I didn't want to do it. I didn't mean the things I said on that interview and I wish I could have told you but I was torn with so many things that time. I never ever meant to hurt you. Trust me please. I didn't want to hurt you." He pleaded.

I cried inwardly as I lowered my head down as I was clenching my fist over my lap. "Harry....but you did." I bursted into tears and sobbed. I couldn't hold it in anymore. “You hurt me…so much… that I don’t know how to recover from this.”

“I saw your interview and baby I didn’t know what was going on.”

“Because you’re selfish. If something was going on, you could have told me!”

“I thought it would just go away but it got worse and worse.”

"You haven't called or talked to me for a week, I was reaching out for you! I kept messaging you! I even messaged the others to ask about you and they all tell me the same thing! Then the next thing I knew, you denied me to the world. How could you?!" I yelled.

"Lindy don't--"

"Shut up and listen." I cut him off.

He exhaled.

"How could you easily say I was nothing important to you?! How could you be so cruel from saying all of that on live TV?! How could you just neglect my feelings like that when you knew how much I love you!" I raised my voice.

"You don't need a girl like me. You have Paige. You have all those women vying for your attention. You don’t need me." I muttered.

"No.” He groans. “Lindy, that was a lie. It was all for the paps to take pictures. The news wasn't--"

"I'm sorry Harry.” I cut him off trying to get my words right. “But this thing going on between you and have been getting too much and it’s pretty unhealthy for me. Your world is so crazy compared to mine. I don't wanna hold on to someone like you someonewho only thinks about himself. You're selfish. You’re a liar and you're a fucking coward."

He breathes heavily.

"I was protecting you." He answers whisperingly..

"All I want is for you to be there, for me. To fight for me because before all these happened, I was the one fighting and hoping we’ll get through this together! I'm done fighting for your sorry ass Harry!" I yelled.

I moved my head sideways while massaging my forehead. I tried to calm my aching heart down, I was even hardly breathing.

"I love you... Lindy don't do this to me please. " He begged again.

"When you love someone and it's worth fighting for, no matter what the odds are, you'll fight for it. I fought for it because I knew it was worth saving.” I answer him. “But did you?"

He didn't answer me cos he was hurt of what I said.

"Right now, I think you were the first one who gave up on us Harry. Not me." I continued.

"No Lind--"

"I'm setting you free." I blurted the words that was so hard for me to say as my tears continually streaming down my face. “I’m setting myself free.”

I don't want to end it, I really don't want to, but we both know it has to be. My world is different from the world he's involved in.

Harry cries over the line and it crushes me, "You were everything I was looking for, when I wasn't even looking. So you gotta trust me when I say I'd choose you instead of anyone and anything in this world.”

I bent my head down and more tears come out from my eyes. My lips were shaking as I bite them. We were both quiet for a while and I could hear him sob with his whimpering breath.

"I can't let you go even though I know I have nothing left to hold on to anymore Lindy. Give me a chance to show you. Please." He begged and his voice sounded shaky again.

"I want to…” I trailed off. “I really wanted this to work out but it's so hard. If you really loved me, you'll make an effort to make things work out instead of leaving me confused knowing we’re always thousands of miles away."

"You know that's not true. I always will make time for you and you know that Lindy." He cut me off.

"But I want a guy who can be proud of me. A guy who's not afraid to tell the world about me. You couldn't do it Harry." I answered.

"Let's just try to work it out. Just don't let go of me yet, please. I need you." he insisted.

My voice weakens and pangs of pain hits on my chest. My eyes were getting swollen and I could feel my heart having this heavy feeling. All of a sudden, it gets harder to breathe.

"Loving you was my favorite mistake." I trailed.

I exhaled with a breathy whimper escaping from my lips.

"But it's time to let go." I choked in a sob as I couldn't even hardly say it.

"I'm still hoping it's you and me until the end. After all of this mess we're going through." He cried. “Lindy please I am begging you. Don’t leave me like this.”

I shook my head sideways while I ran my fingers ran through my hair. My heart is so full and my eyes are aching. "There's no more you and me, Harry. You're on your own now."

I hang up even before he could speak and I bursted into tears.