The Alpha Assassin novel Chapter 56

It was still early, but The Omegas were awake, and I had been itching to leave my room since I had gotten there. The packhouse felt different, but I knew it was just me. The place wasn’t intimidating or scary anymore.

When I first arrived, it was a blur. I didn’t feel anything. Then came the anger. But now… I was someone that I wouldn’t have expected. That even if I had been capable of thinking of the future in those first blurry months, I would never have been able to fathom this. That I could feel not just like a fraction of my former self but something more powerful, more sure.

It was a heady feeling and a discovery that made me stand taller as I walked the too-familiar halls. I followed my routine, edging toward the dining room and pausing outside the kitchen. There was a bustle, but it was more languid than it had been the past few days. I was correct in thinking this would be a slow morning. It put me at ease only a little. I was anxious to get this day going, and the longer it took, the more the ‘what ifs’ pushed in.

We’ve got this. No matter what happens or doesn’t happen - Aksala said.

I know, but what if -

No what-ifs. We will face them if something happens. For now, we have everything planned out. Go get us some fuel. We will need it - she commanded.

I took a deep breath; she was right. I pushed the door open to the dining room, not expecting anyone to be there. Nolan surprised me by sitting alone at the table.

“Is anyone else joining?” I asked, taking the seat across from him.

He shrugged, looking over to the empty chairs his parents usually sat in. “It was a late night,” he explained.

“I figured.” Omegas placed a few trays in front of us, and Nolan nodded at them. “Did you enjoy it?” I asked, forcing myself to pile food on my plate.

“I’m not sure,” he answered slowly, and I looked at him. He was running his fingers through his hair. “I don’t- I’m expected to be Alpha. Everyone was congratulating me, but it felt…” He shook his head. “I didn’t earn it.”

“You did,” I responded immediately. “Maybe not in some stupid dated trial, but you are the best option this pack has.”

He nodded slowly, sagging back into his chair. He looked around the dining room, mostly at the high ceilings, a frown crossing his face. I forced myself to take a few bites of food while he processed whatever was going on in his mind.

“I’m expected to own this,” he said, but his voice was hollow. There was no sense of pride, just more fear, possibly disbelief.

“I’m sure it will dawn on you soon,” I replied airily. I half-hoped he didn’t want it. He was a decent person, but I couldn’t give the pack to him.

He sat back up and stared at me in a way that I had to look away from. “You know, I always liked you,” he admitted. My stomach dropped; this was wildly uncomfortable.

“You didn’t know me,” I replied, staring at my plate of eggs and sausage that had become even less appealing.

“I know, but…” He shrugged. “I did, even more so recently.”

“Oh.” I hoped he would change the subject.

“I know we aren’t mates,” Nolan started.

I lifted my head to meet his gaze. “Nolan, I appreciate what you are saying, but we wouldn’t have ever worked.”

“But that doesn’t change anything.”

This wasn’t even about Ezra; in another life maybe Nolan and I could have been good together, but not this one. Even if I didn’t have Ezra.

“I know you were mostly a bystander, but I couldn’t get past what you allowed to happen if we were together,” I tried to explain in a way that didn’t sound too accusatory.

“I don’t know what I would have done in your situation, and I don’t know if I would have been any better,” I continued.

I hoped I would have been. I knew without a doubt Ezra would have.

But Nolan, Nolan was the youngest, he was in a family that either produced horrid children or corrupted them to become that way. He would have risked everything and not been able to save me, and I understood that.

“But I cannot accept it either way,” I said, gently meeting his eyes. His lips formed a thin line, and he nodded, looking upset, but didn’t press anything further.

We ate in silence until The Omegas cleared our plates.

“I hope you find your mate,” I told him genuinely as I stood to leave. “She will be a lucky girl.”

He gave me an echo of a smile. “Things will be different, Simone. I’ll try to make it up to you, not because you might change your mind but because I owe it to you. Because you deserve it,” he stated.