The Pretend Boyfriend novel Chapter 83

Her chest sinks when she records the visual affirmation. She closes her eyes, hoping the Jeep would vanish, or that it will be mounted with another number plate when she opens them again.

But everything maddeningly remains the same.

Brian is with Delilah Faulkner right at this very instance. Doing goodness knows what.

Sam can only imagine what Delilah Faulkner would want with him. She can only hope and pray that he returns in one piece.

Oh, but why does it have to hurt so much? She knows that Brian is only doing this to secure their future together, but why does the tradeoff feel so wrong? Everything here screams of wrongness.

Sam grips her steering wheel. The faux leather feels very hot in between her palms.

Is he really only doing this to secure their future together? Is there even a 'future' with Brian? I don't believe in love, I only believe in fucking. That used to be his mantra. She feels so torn. So incredibly torn apart. She wants so much to believe in Brian. Believe that he can actually ease into being someone 'normal' - with normal needs and wants. Monogamy. Happily ever after.

But is that too much to ask from someone who has never lived his life any way but vicariously?

There's still that nagging suspicion. That awful feeling that she has in the pit of her stomach that he thinks he owes Adele Jankovic something. The overwhelming guilt he must be mired in because of what he did to her. Such emotions are powerful beasts. You could live an entire life being beholden to another person that way. There's even a Chinese saying on it.

And Brian is the sort of person to do just that.

There's a pain in her chest so deep that she thinks her ribs will cave in with the sheer weight and crush of it. He's just the type who would sacrifice himself if he thinks it would do someone else a favor. He's loyal that way.

It hurts her so badly to know what he is. And there's nothing she can do about it.

Or is there?

Sam drives out of the car park blindly.

She trawls the streets, wandering aimlessly. Her mind is a restless churn of images, sounds, thoughts and jumbled streams. Brian, Brian, Brian. He's everywhere in her mind.

She sees their bodies entwined around each other's. His glorious green eyes, gazing down at her lovingly as his cock moves within her snug passageway. His lips slightly parted and his pupils dilated with desire.

She parks, and sits in her car for a long, long time. A gaudy LED sign spills scattered reflections on her windscreen, and she looks up. It says: WHISKERS. The outline of a red neon cat winks at her. A bar.

Just what she needs to get sloshed.

"What are you doing all by yourself out here?" he asks. She can smell his cologne. "This is not exactly a safe neighborhood for a pretty young woman like you to be prowling alone."

She debates whether or not to tell him that she's waiting for someone. But since that isn't true, her tongue dries up. She has always been lousy at telling untruths.

She replies, "I-I was out ... thinking."

Hey, she tells herself, I'm his boss here. I'm supposed to be in charge. I'm supposed to know what I'm doing. Then why do I feel like a tongue-tied schoolgirl?

His expression turns knowing. "Boyfriend trouble?"

She doesn't say anything. Everyone at the gym knows that Brian and she are together. Well, as 'together' as they can get. Everyone knows that half the female employees have been trying to get into Brian's pants as well, without success.

Thor's lips spread, showing his teeth.

"Wanna go for a drink?" he says.

She wants to say 'no'. She has a load on her mind. But then she thinks of Brian and Adie together. In bed. Fucking for the last two days - for better or for worse.