The Alpha and The Vigilante novel Chapter 74

I often held the baby while Rose was sleeping, showering, or otherwise occupied. She had Carter's eyes and nose.

I knew the only thing holding Rose together was her trying to be strong for her baby. That, and we drank copious amounts of alcohol every night until we passed out. Getting drunk was the only way I could sleep. Even then, I woke up often, often times dreaming of Carter's lifeless eyes looking back at me as he died in my arms. I didn't tell Rose about my dreams. Gwen knew, and she often had her own nightmares about it. Jax was also dealing with his own pain regarding Carter, after all, they were both Pack Leaders, and stayed away from us. Cain was busy dealing with pack affairs, and wasn't around for a majority of the day.

When he came back late at night, he would cradle Lily and sit on the floor with me. I could tell he didn't approve of our excessive drinking, but he kept his mouth shut about it. He was handling Carter's death the best. I assumed he was used to pack members dying. I couldn't imagine having to feel like this every single time a pack member died, but Cain assured me that it would hurt less every time.

Right now, it felt like the pain would never stop.

Guilt consumed me every time I saw pain flash in Rose's eyes every time she thought about her mate, which was always. Every time I held little Lily, my heart clenched in pain and guilt.

"I'll get another bottle," Gwen got up from her position on the floor and went into the kitchen. Jax had been making sure to restock our alcohol supply, even though I knew he was taking Cain's side on the anti-alcohol position.

"I have to go to the bathroom, will you hold Lily?" Rose asked and held out the sleeping baby.

I nodded, accepting the pup, who was wrapped in a small fur blanket. Cain made it for Lily and gave it to Rose after the funeral. It was like the baby knew it was from the Alpha, and she fell asleep every time she was wrapped around in it.

Lily woke up from Rose handing her to me, and she stared at me with her big blue eyes, so full of innocence and wonder. I bounced her gently, and she giggled. She loved being bounced or rocked.

I blew softly on her face, making her sneeze and then giggle. I smiled softly at the little pup. She was as goofy as her father. I would protect her with my life for the rest of my days. When she was of age, I would train her so she would be just as fierce as me. I knew it was what Carter would want for her.

A hand suddenly grabbed my shoulders, and the familiar tingles and woodsy scent soon accompanied the touch. Cain.

He sat next to me on the floor. "May I?" He asked, reaching for the baby. I nodded and handed Lily to him.

Gwen returned with the bottle of vodka. "Am I interrupting something?" She asked.

No, I quickly answered, thankful for the distraction. She shrugged and chugged a quarter of the bottle. I took it from her and took a large swig myself. I offered some to Cain, knowing he would decline. He sighed and shook his head. When Rose came back, he handed Lily back to her.

I'll be in my office, mate. Mindlink me if you need anything. Please try to somewhat limit your drinking, Cain begged. He kissed my forehead and left the four of us.

I watched as he walked away, and took another large drink, letting the alcohol heal me.

One week later

Tonight was going to be the first night that Rose was going back to her house. She said that she wanted to try to get back to normal, as normal as possible. I assured her that she really wasn't a bother, but she insisted that she had to gain back some control in her life. Gwen was also going to return to her house with Jax. I wondered if something was wrong between them, because Jax was hardly around the last two weeks. I assumed that he wanted to give us girls some space. Cain had been doing that, even though he lectured me every few days about my drinking habits.