The Alpha Assassin novel Chapter 42

“Sam’s coming,” I said. Ezra’s hands dropped, but they lingered behind me, and I reluctantly pulled myself off him.

I didn’t get or send a note, but this is where I held council now. I realized it was also where I felt the safest at this pack.

Ezra stood and looked back at me with longing and the briefest, brightest smile I thought I might have imagined before he faded into the shadows of the bookshelves near the door. “Leave the letter in our book,” he whispered and then disappeared as if he were a shadow himself.

Sam knocked and opened the door. Ezra was a blur on silent feet behind him. Sam didn’t even notice him a few feet away. I shivered; he was a honed killer, but the shiver was more of delight and lust than fear.

“I was hoping you were here,” Sam wore a smile, but it was shallow. “You look flushed. Are you okay?”

I instinctually touched my warm cheeks. “I was standing too close to the fire,” I said, trying not to smile at the too-recent memory.

I straightened my skirt and motioned to the seat Ezra was just in. Sam settled into it, but it was a hollow comparison to Ezra. I immediately missed him. I guess I could check having a friend off the list of why I was so viscerally attracted to Ezra, Sam was my friend, too, and the feelings I held for him were vastly different.

I liked Sam; I trusted him. I valued our time together, and I owed him more debts than a lifetime could repay. But what I felt for Ezra, even before I understood that I was feeling anything but fear and hate…was different.

Ezra was different.

Sam was beautiful in the way of an Alpha. Tall, honed, yet muscular; his dark blonde hair was always neatly combed, and he gave off the perfect mix of power and grace. He was such a nice contrast to the people I had been forced to deal with here. He was respectful and caring; his mate would be a lucky woman.

A flicker of a thought came to me before I could stop it. I imagined myself meeting his mate in person after he found her, of course. I imagined us all being friends, or visiting his pack; Ezra standing at my side.

I shut my eyes and shook my head to try to erase the insane daydream.

My over-worked mind was playing tricks with me.

“Everything okay?” Sam asked.

I blinked a few times and locked my gaze with his, only to see worry and care in his light blue eyes. I nodded. “Just bracing myself for the news.” I motioned toward him and tried to find a smile.

He ran his hands through his hair, somehow not unsettling any strands. “I’ve talked to them a few times, not to push it but to get a sense of where they are. I think I have a pretty good understanding now.” He paused, and I tried to steady my heartbeat.

I didn’t like the sense of relying on others. It was foreign, and as much as I appreciated the help, so much was riding on someone who wasn’t me. So much of my fate now relied on Sam’s abilities to convince people and others to actually back me.

I could come out victorious, but more likely, I would be standing there alone, with no backing, showing my hand to The Alpha and Luna.

“I will back you, of course.” He looked at me, and his smile was a bit more genuine. “Stephen said he would back you, too; he’s confident his father will listen to him. Carrick’s Alpha-”

“Alpha John,” I noted.

He nodded approvingly. “Yes. He trusts Carrick. Alpha John is a good person and Alpha. But Carrick gets the sense he would back you if others did.”

My gaze fell to my lap; if everyone said they would only back me if others did, what good was that?

“Alpha Jameson said he would back me; it was his idea,” I said, but my words felt hollow.

“He did,” Sam reiterated, “but he would be the least trustworthy.”

“And the others?” I asked. “Alpha Owen of Starry Ravine? Alpha Timothy of Silver Lake? Alpha Liam of Dark Wood?” I asked, partially to check my memory.

Sam’s blue eyes widened slightly. “You’ve been studying,” he said.

“I have. I want to do this right.” I lifted my chin, meeting his stare.

He looked me over as if re-assessing me. “Simone-”

“I’m sure I want to do this,” I said with steely resolve. I hadn’t been so sure of anything recently. Besides Ezra. I pushed that errant, erratic thought away.

“No one has seen you besides that other night. It was hard enough to convince them you weren’t a ghost.” His eyes held the sympathy of one who had already accepted his demise. I hated it; I had to look away.

At least that night at the conference, I stood tall to those few I talked to. But I also scampered away and hid behind Alpha Raymond. They didn’t know how strong I was; I was sure they heard rumors of how good I was at a young age. They knew Blood Moon’s reputation, but that reputation was only slowly starting to get rebuilt -a mere few days ago.

“I understand,” I said slowly. “They aren’t backing me because they think I have a chance.” If they did, there might be a few more on my side, especially those fearful of Alpha Raymond. “I know it's a lot for them to risk just to stand against his actions for someone they think will die at the challenge.”

Those Alphas were prepared to deal with the consequences of their actions, to potentially enact upset between the territory only to make a stand. I was already more than grateful to them for that, it meant more than if they stood behind me thinking I could win. It made my heart swell a bit, knowing there was some good left when all I had been exposed to the past years was so much hate and evil.

Despite those feelings, I knew those who might back me also thought without a doubt I would end the challenge dead, which would make the actual backing me a whole lot more complicated.

“Exactly,” Sam said, searching my face again. “I just have to ask; last time, I swear. Do you think you have a chance?”

“I do,” I said.

If I had more time, I could convince them that I had more than a slight chance, but we had only a few days left. Panic settled in as I realized how little time there was before the challenge.

Let me out so we can train together - Aksala begged, and I agreed. I would find a way somehow.

Alpha Raymond might have the upper hand or think he did, but I had the element of surprise and anger years of suppressed anger I could hone into a weapon sharper than anything.

Once Sam left, I pulled out the stationary we kept here in a trunk of loose papers. I wondered not for the first time how many hidden gems were here, how much forgotten history shoved in trunks or dusty books left to rot.

My hands were almost shaking heavy with the weight of what I was about to put into place.

I wrote a note, re-wrote it, and then sealed it and left it in our book.

I took one last glance at the library, the shadows dancing around the fading embers, and I felt strange, almost longing, nostalgic. I was feeling the pangs of missing this place, and I never thought I would come to find any even passable memories in this damned, cold, ancient packhouse.