The Alpha Assassin novel Chapter 43

I got the clear from Ezra. I ensured at least one of the ranked members saw me before bed, but even with Luna Natalie’s impassive nod when I told her I was off to my room, her eyes were vacant.

I thought about that as I slipped out, how she was excited about the trials but seemed to either forget that her own blood was to fight to the potential death or maybe she was ignorant to the fact of how sadistic her own sons were.

You were the one that ended him - Aksala reminded me - Beautifully, I might add.

I smiled, I did, but death was expected in the trials, or so I was told. I was just helping the fanfare.

Sure. sure - Aksala barked a laugh.

With each step away from the packhouse, I actually felt lighter. The nerves I carried with me all day, the ones that hardened when I thought of this meeting, were dissipating. I was sure Aksala had something to do with that. The fact that I wasn’t alone anymore was a huge burden lifted.

I walked the path more confidently than I felt, checking a few times the tidy map Ezra drew for me and the concise notes he wrote in his tilted, neat handwriting. It made my stomach flip every time I glanced at it, and it was so unexpected every time.

The air seemed to shift, or maybe it was my apparently heightened senses. It felt more welcoming but expectant.

My correspondent slid out behind a tree with a grace trained dancers would envy. “Simone, we are mildly surprised to see you in person but elated you came.”

I wore a real smile as she motioned me in. I felt more comfortable in a foreign space than I had in years.

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Ezra was waiting for me when I got back. One hand lay on a sword by his side, his eyes scanned the treeline, and he stood so silent it seemed the faint breeze wafted around him without daring even to ruffle his hair piled on top of his head.

His eyes slanted when he noticed me emerge from the trees, and his shoulders sagged. He breathed out deeply, his breath making a cloud in the night air.

“Simone,” he said under his breath when I was feet away.

I did everything in my power not to run and jump into his arms. I had so much to tell him, but all of that was forgotten when I glimpsed his relieved face.

“Ezra,” I said calmly, but my smile gave me away.

He reached out and tucked a loose strand of hair that escaped from my braid behind my ear. “You’re cold,” he noted disapprovingly.

I shrugged slightly. “I don’t feel it.”

“The ranked members are in bed,” he said.

“Your point?” I asked, does that mean we had time tonight, or that I should be in bed in case.

“We have a few minutes to talk. I’ll be able to fill you in more tomorrow, around lunch if that suits?” he asked, and I nodded, chewing my lip. I was wholly focused on our plan for the challenge tomorrow.

“Library?” he asked. “Not for long,” he clarified, glancing behind me. “I don't trust open spaces.

The fire was barely embers now. I hoped the one in my room was lit, but I told Alice I ate early and was going to bed, making a show of being in my nightgown and bed when she came in. I hoped she didn’t come back in and check, but she never had before after she left me the final time.

“Simone,” Ezra, his voice husky and low. I turned toward him from where I was studying the fire, taken aback. “I want to finish our conversation from earlier.” I opened my mouth. “Everything else can wait.”

“Can it?” I countered.

“For a few minutes, yes.” He said, taking a step toward me. The library was dark, but the moonlight shone through the windows, illuminating the sharp planes and faint scars on his face. He should have looked like a nightmare, but he didn’t seem anything but comforting to me.

I took a step toward him. “Okay,” I agreed.

“What are you so afraid of?” he asked. I balked, taking a step back again. “I mean, with us, that’s what I can’t wrap my mind around; I can’t figure out.” He looked puzzled. “I can understand your past to some extent, the will to not be here anymore.” I heard the truth in his words, and it twisted my stomach to know he had ever felt like that. “I get that, but I need to know your apprehension with us.” He raised his hand barely, two fingers pointed at me.

I swallowed, unsure of how to put it or if I even knew.

“I know we don’t know each other, not really. I don’t know your favorite color or your middle name, but I do know the parts of you you’ve tried to hide. I know the parts of you you have hidden, even the ones you don’t realize you’ve shown me.” My jaw twitched. “I know you, Simone. And I want to know you more. I need to know, when it comes to us, only us, what is your apprehension?” His shoulders sagged a bit.

I took a deep breath. I had already thought about this before, but saying it out loud made it too real. It felt like I was shattering the fragile dream we both shared of mutual ‘what ifs.’ The words I spoke were too real for the bubble we created for ourselves.

Two orphan killers. We constructed something we shouldn’t have been allowed to, and it had to burst. I just wished I could stay in it for a few moments more before I was the one who threw the stone that cracked it.

I wished that were true. “You don’t know me, Ezra,” I said, unable to meet his piercing stare, even in the darkness. “You deserve so much, and I will never be that person.”

The silence hung between us.

“I know I want to spend every day getting to know you. I know what we have isn’t normal. I know I have never felt anything that could even come close to this.” His voice was strained, and I agreed with him completely. I had never felt anything similar.

He looked at me and then past me, almost seeming to shift on his feet, but I wasn’t quite sure if he did. “Can we at least be friends if you decide to stay to take back your pack? I can stay away. I promise I won’t even babysit you or whatever you think I’m doing.” His anger was palpable, and I realized I had made a mistake, but I didn’t know where.

Probably all of it.

“I know you know yourself; that’s what you’re saying to me now. You’re telling me not that you don’t want me but that you think I won’t want you at some indiscriminate time.” He paused. “But I know myself, now more than ever. I am the person I’ve wanted to be with you. You have brought me back to myself, to the person I never thought I could be.” His adams apple bobbed.

”I would be back in the abyss without you- His voice broke, and I wanted to reach to him, but I was rooted to the spot by the sheer intensity of his words. “I am tied to you as much as you are tied to me. Do not pretend that I am saving you because you saved me, as well.”

“I just, I would want it to be real. I wouldn’t want you to stay past when you wanted to leave,” I tried again.

“And if that was never?” The vague possibility of it, however minuscule, flipped my stomach.

“I want the truth from you, no ties, or else it won’t work. I am not weak, as you said. Leave me if and when you want,” I practically shouted at him, aware of the absurdity of my words.

But I couldn’t help the lightness, the fact I never thought I would be having a silly lovers quarrel with him or anyone else. It felt so normal I couldn’t fully go back to the sadness.

“Fine,” he said and turned to leave.

He paused near the door. “I owe you a debt.” His thundery voice encapsulated me, but I didn’t detect a hint of untruth, or maybe I didn’t want to.

“You don’t,” I protested.

“Fine. Then we are even Simone. Do with that what you will.”