Heaven And Hell novel Chapter 83

It was a rhetorical question, so I just stared at him, quietly seething. "I just can't believe you, Keller. Why did you have to do that?" He paused, then began again. "So I left for London, to have some time to be alone."

I groaned. "Yeah, you had some time alone, all right," I told him sarcastically. "Every part of Great Britain knows that you're free from me already. You told them so! Then that wasn't enough for you -- you went out with several gorgeous girls.

"I even saw in one of the hundreds of magazines you were featured in that you were embracing this brunette supermodel outside a club! The one who sat on your lap! You think I didn't feel hurt, as you are with me? Think again, because after days of waiting for you to come back, only to hear or read the news that you're with another slut each night, I gave up. I give up, actually.

"So when I was certain you'd never come back to Kent, I booked the next flight home. I never wanted to see you again, but then you showed up with that freaking arrogant presence of yours."

"Keller, I --"

"I had enough," I mumbled, looking away from him. I felt like tears were going to come out of my eyes, but thank God they didn't come. "I simply had enough. I'm sorry for misunderstanding and hurting you. I'm sorry for not being the most amazing fiancée out there. I never meant to hurt you. I want you to know that."

I heard him swallow, rubbing his hands on his thighs. "Keller...you don't know how guilty I felt when I heard the news that you were no longer in Rossington Park. I couldn't talk to everyone there. I..."

He looked away, as well, looking anywhere but at me. "I was just so angry with you. I had to forget. I thought that if I went out with my mates in London, I'd feel okay again. I thought that when I went out with other girls and flirted with them, while knowing that you're still in Kent, I'd be able to forget about what happened and...you.

"I'm sorry that I didn't accept your sincere apologies. I'm also sorry that I was such a bloody arsehole for not coming back to you, knowing that you were still in Rossington Park, waiting for me."

Michael turned hurt eyes toward me. I found myself shaking. "Nothing worked, Keller. Whatever I do to try to forget, you always show up in my mind."

I bit my lips harder as I felt them quiver.

Michael gave a shaky breath. "I know that you're still really furious with me for believing I kissed Natalie back, but I truly didn't."

This time, the tears finally came.

He stared at me with sad, silver eyes. "I messed up, you messed up. We both made a terrible misunderstanding and we should've talked to one another properly, not get our heads heated up over miscommunications. But I'm so sorry for hurting you by going to London. I...it's inexcusable."

I blinked my tears away. Michael explained differently. It was hurtful to know that he went away to gallivant around the city, but I knew he had his reasons, just as I had mine.

"I know you'll think I'm such an idiot for saying this, but I just want you to know that you're the first girl who made my life upside-down and a living hell ever since we started that blind date set up by Fred and Viv...but that's not all.

"You're the girl who was a match for me. You're the only girl who set me on edge yet I can't seem to shake you off my mind. You're the only girl who spoke truthfully about me and is not afraid to stand her ground.

"And...and I just want to let you know that you're the only girl I ever loved and cared about. I still do."

Michael gazed at me. "I understand that you loathe me more then ever. I'll also understand if you don't accept my apology. It's...it's okay if you hate me so much, you'll not give me a chance again. I'll understand everything completely. But I have to let you know:

"My father and I started to drift apart when my mum died. He loved her so much, you know? I don't know...he just turned away from me and just shipped his kids off to boarding school. He hired tutors and then just two years ago, he threatened me of disinheritance, and the humiliation that came with it, if I didn't have anyone to marry. Even Emerson was brought into the mess.

"But we're okay now, Keller. Because of you. You showed him love again. He felt awful when you were in Rossington Park, waiting for me but I didn't come home for you. Dad said he was just so anxious to fulfill Mum's wish for me and Emerson to be happy and find true love that it came off as crass. Dad had become so cold after Mum passed away.

"So then I'd thought he wanted me away from his life so I did the opposite of what he expected me to be as his son and heir. That ruined us. And when you left...he got so pissed at me when I came back, seeing that you were no longer there."