If Only He Knew novel Chapter 30

Emily's POV:

"I... mmmm...Edd..."

I never really thought that something in me could be triggered to such an extent that I could lose my vocal and conceptual abilities for a moment.

And yet, I couldn't adore more being meek and limp in someone's arms when that said person is touching you like you were born to be worshipped. I knew it was part of some dangerous game we started months ago, following it diligently while still protecting our friendship but the way it was all going right now, I was sure I couldn't see him just as a friend anymore.

Hell, I never saw him as a one before!

But still, I always tried doing it for the sake of our long year alliance and chivalry. Allowing love to come between us was something I tossed into dustbin a long time ago, always picking it up again when emotional but in the end, deciding to let it go for once and all.

My feelings were my own. Nobody gets the right to speak for it. So why should I let my heart come in between our comfortable silence and beautiful moments when I am content with everything and anything he had to offer or take it from me?!

But the question was, for how long?

For how long I was gonna hold myself in and watch him smiling, laughing and sharing everything with someone else when I always dreamed of having a nice future and family with him.

But we can't get everything nowadays, can we?

Then why was I suddenly getting everything so quickly when I never even thought of getting even a piece of it in this cruel reality? My mind was afraid of such a development, screaming at me to back out before it's too late but my heart...

Well, the heart wants what it wants!

And so when Edward kissed my cheek, pulling me closer before kissing my nose and eyes gently, I couldn't hold it any longer and wrapped my arms around his neck firmly, pulling him closer only to get squished against him sensually.

His hands reached my head once more, fingers digging into my brown curls gently, running them along my locks. He leaned an inch closer to my face, his mouth slightly parted, hot breath mixed with cinnamon racing my senses. My own swollen lips parted, my heart going insane with our proximity. Opening his lips, he leaned a bit further when I turned my head abruptly, looking at the other side.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw him frown, his expression forming to a rare form of disappointment before his eyes turned into a shade of determination and he put his hands on my cheeks, gently turning me around to face him.

"What's the problem, Emi? Are you feeling uncomfortable with me?" his eyes held usual concern, his fingers grazing my chin and he slid his other hand trailing down my back to my hand, intertwining our fingers.

What's that supposed to mean?

Why does he keep on showing this unusual affection to me? Is he really pretending or...

"No. It's not that... I'm just... I'm... just kinda nervous. I don't know how to kiss... " I opened my mouth to speak some more, unable to find words to complete, "I never kissed... anyone... before!"

That was the truth! I was afraid I might end up messing everything up, biting him or hell, tackling him down or kick him if he goes further than that!

But does that really matter now, Emily! You already did more than that! Even more than your relationship with him would ever allow!

"You mean to say you never had your first kiss before?!" His face showed complete shock of surprise and amusement.

I glared at him to remind him of the exact reason and logical explanation for that fact. If he ever allowed me to hang out with any guy, maybe I would also have boasted of my skills to him!

But I knew that I never would have kissed anyone when my heart would always continue to want what it can never have. I could've told him smoothly and nonchalantly how he was my first kiss at our fake wedding and how much of a formality that kiss was for him.

I could mostly have told him that he didn't kiss all too good for a man but I didn't have any reason to say so cause he didn't have any reason to kiss me like his lover or anything!

"Well, I most certainly had my first kiss in most unexpected circumstances... in front of everyone!"

"Who was that person, might I enquire?!" The words that rolled out of his lips were covered with so much poison I almost felt like vomiting right at the spot but instead, I stared at him incessantly.

An understanding stare.

One which gave you all the answers whether you have asked the question or not.

The realization finally dawned on him some minutes later, his cheeks slight tinge of pink before he coughed low.

"You mean to say... I.. was.. your first kiss... at our wedding?!"

He blinked once at me.

He scooted me closer to open his mouth against me, his tongue swiping over my lips before plunging in slightly deeper in my mouth to touch the tip of my tongue. A throaty moan escaped my mouth as his mouth opened wider to push his tongue deeper, so desperate to meet mine when we broke the kiss, panting heavily from our intense make out.

It was an intimate position for both of us, as I could feel his full hard erection pressing against my hot core and if I move even a little, I could end up grinding myself against him which I would never do.

Because not letting my guard down was something I learned from the experience of falling helplessly in love with him!

His rough hands caressed my bare thighs wrapped around his waist, rubbing the pads of his fingers over them slowly and torturously before he pulled me by my head and smashed his lips against mine. In between his tongue and teeth, I found myself plopped and bounce a little on something soft and silky.

It was a bed.

Our bed. Instantly heat rushed to my already flushed cheeks in crazy anticipation as he broke the kiss to remove his tie frantically from around his collar, throwing it lazily across some corner of the room. As he turned to look at me again, his eyes widened quickly taking in my half-naked form, beautifully sprawled on the bed.

He swallowed a lump in his throat, drinking in my appearance where my dress had lifted up higher my thighs, my front lowered dangerously to expose my creamy mounds and his eyes trailed with lust over my heaving chest as he licked his lips, his eyes showing a mischievous glint.

Immediately, I attempted to cover myself up from his hot stares when his hand shot up quickly to grab both my wrists and pinned them against the bed, adjusting himself on top of me. I tried to wiggle slightly out of his grip, averting my gaze somewhere else.

I was too embarrassed to even look at him.

It was first for me to show myself in this state to some man.

"Edwar-" His lips found mine and captured them instantly just as his grip on my wrists tightened, almost painfully. He kissed me hard this time, his mouth nudging my lips apart, his tongue sliding in between my open lips and touching mine crazily. My mind was hazing with the storm as he caressed my tongue with his, pulling it out and sucking gently on it while his left leg adjusted itself in between my bare thighs.

His tongue tasted every corner of my mouth, licking my lips again before kissing my lips and continuing to delve his teeth on them. Loud moans and gasps filled the room as he broke the kiss to flip me around with a quick procession, his open mouth trailing over my bare back blowing hot air and tickling my senses and desires. He pulled my dress lower to run his finger gently before leaning again to suck on my shoulder skin, running his tongue long over up-to my neck.

I closed my eyes to revel at this amazing feeling when he kissed my ear from behind, the soft mattress digging in my skin making me produce animalistic sound shamelessly.

"I never was so happy before..." his hands roamed boldly over my thighs, "until now that I heard that..." he kissed my neck once more before flipping me around to kiss me fully in my lips "I was your first kiss!"

To be continued...

*blushing madly*