If Only He Knew novel Chapter 53

Emily's POV:

Loud reverberation of thunder broke my line of thoughts and I ran towards the window to realise it still hadn't stopped raining. Cold drops of rain splattered my face and chilling breeze hugged my features just as I opened my window to peek at the weather.

Glancing at my phone, I threw it annoyingly on sofa after seeing no calls or replies from Edward. I sat beside the window, my eyes glued on the muddy road, my eyelids dropping heavily from sleep.

A loud knock on the door woke me up abruptly from my short nap and I rushed towards the door, turning the knob and quickly opening the door.

"Edward! Where the hell were you, you stupid moron! Why the hell you were so-"

I stopped blabbering to see Edward slumped lazily on Michael's shoulder while Michael struggled slightly with his weight.

"Oh my god! What happened to him, Michael!? Why are you carrying Edward!?"

"Nothing, Mrs Emily! Sir is just drunk-"

"Drunk!? What!"

"Yes! He had this company dinner and so they forced him to drink as he succeeded in signing some deal off and he couldn't refuse it-"

"Emily..."

Edward stirred in his sleep, now looking up at me, his eyes all puffed up red and his hairs ruffled up from moisture. He was soaked wet from heavy rain, his shirt was dripping of water and he stumbled in his little steps.

"Hello Emily!? How have you been, my dear!?

Hello? Seriously how much did he drink?

"I misssssssed you soooooo much, Lily"

Edward walked towards me, throwing all his weight on me while I stumbled back, not being able to balance myself properly. He wrapped his wet arms around me hardly, scooping me up. His breath reeked of pure alcohol, and his wet clothes sticked to my own dry ones.

"I think I should help you take him upstairs Mam!" Michael said, his fingers dusting off moisture from his wet hairs.

I looked at Micheal who was also soaked from head to toe. His eyes looked tired and I wondered if he was even able to sleep after he went chasing Rose yesterday night.

"No. Michael I will manage from here! Why don't you go and change into some warm clothes yourself! It's chilling cold outside!"

"But still you can't carry him all the way upstairs-"

"I can manage it very well, Michael. You can go now!" I said, struggling from Edward's weight on my body while he rested his chin on my shoulder.

"Thank you very much, Mrs Emily!"

"Miss Emily!?" Edward said, now breaking the hug to turn around and look at Michael.

"I said Mrs Emily sir!?"

"She isn't ...Miss Emilllly, Michael! She is Mrs Emily, meaning Mrs Emily Jonnnnnnnnnes, my dear wiffffe!" Edward slurred his words, glaring at Micheal.

"My apologies for my mistake sir but I meant very well to say-"

"Leave it, Michael. You go and change. I am sure Edward didn't mean any of it! It's just this stupid alcohol speaking!"

Micheal nodded and left the room and I turned towards Edward annoyingly.

"Seriously how much did you drink anyway!?"

Edward blinked twice at me, his lips curling into a dashing grin before he raised his five fingers at me. "I drank two. Just two, my dearrrrrrrr! I swear!"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Sure. If the meaning of two in your dictionary actually means "five rounds of two" or "two rounds of five"! Seriously, Edward if you can't hold your liquor then why would you go and drink loads of it!?"

He didn't respond, but continued to look at me, shaking his head in between to pry off sleep.

"Never mind! Let's just get you to bed!"

Snaking my arms around his neck, I tried to make him move but he didn't budge an inch. Instead, he entangled himself from me and walked towards my kitchen, his little steps showing the effect of alcohol.

"Where are you going now!?"

"I want to peeeeeee before I go to sleeeeeep.... or I would end up doing it over youuuuuuuu or over my bedshedeet!"

I blinked at him incredulously, not able to find my words to answer him while he walked towards my kitchen leisurely.

"Why the hell are you walking on my kitchen then!?"

"I want to do it in herrrrre! It's closerrrr for.. me!"

"Are you crazy, Edward!? That's my fucking kitchen sink!"

He waved his hand on my face. "A sinkkkk is a sinkk! After alll, it all goes down to the same pipelinneee and" He struggled to open his eyes "can....you please turnnnn around a little, I can't hold it anymoreeeee!"

My eyes widened in horror as he put his hands on the zipper of his pants and pulled it down. I covered my eyes with my one hand and gripped Edward's wrist with my other hand.

"No! Don't do it in here! It's my pious kitchen for god's sake! I'll take you to the washroom now!"

"No. I'll do it in herrrrre onlyyy!"

"I am telling you don't do it!"

"Leaveee my handdddddd!"

"Please, I am begging you with my whole life!"

"Let meee-"

"Edward, I will chop your fucking dick off if you dared to leak your proud male bladder here" I pointed my index finger towards the sink,"in my kitchen sink!"

For a moment, he stopped struggling and then zipped up his pants, mumbling something incoherent. He walked towards the stairs and fell on his face in his first step. Quickly I rushed towards him and pulled him up with difficulty as he looped like a mortein around my shoulder.

With more bumps, thud and loud falls of more than five vases and one painting, I reached our bedroom and opened the door by kicking it hard. Throwing him lazily on the bed, I huffed like a dog on the carpet, fanning my hands on my face to get some air, still feeling difficulty to breathe.

"My god! Your are so heavy, like a bull!"

I attempted to stand up but something cracked and I kneeled on the floor in pain. "I think I broke my back badly!"

Turning around, I saw Edward busy in fighting with the blanket, kicking it for no reason before he sat on the bed and started to unbutton his wet shirt.

Ignoring my own pain on my back, I walked towards him and gripped his hands, putting them on his side gently and unbuttoning his shirt myself while my eyes looked anywhere but him. I could feel his intense gaze on my face while I popped buttons of his shirt, one by one.

"Emilyy!?"

I tapped my foot on the carpet, impatiently waiting for Edward to come out and when a faint click of door opening reached my ears, I stood up abruptly to see Edward all dressed up in decent clothes and his eyes showing less tiredness, fatigue and stress of the day.

"Are you feeling little okay now!?"

Ignoring my question like a pro, Edward took his towel from his closet with some effort and started to rinse his wet hairs.

"Why would you go and drink loads of alcohol when you can't hold it!"

He still didn't reply and in frustration, I walked towards him and clutched his towel tightly in my fingers. "Talk to me Edward and tell me what the hell did I do wrong to you!?"

He looked at me in anger, as if he would eat me alive the moment I would speak a single word against him once more but I wasn't afraid of him or his stupid immature fights and glares anymore.

"Tell me the reason why you get mad at me for no reason at all!?"

"Why don't you ever understand, Emily!? Why you always stress me out so much!?"

"I never give you any stress, Edward but you always have every words and sentences aimed at me for your illogical accusations!?"

"Illogical accusations? I never accused you of anything but-"

"You don't reject me! You don't accept me either Edward! What am I supposed to do!? Play the role of your fake wife and best friend my whole life!? Why so? Just because you want to keep going with your relationship with Lara-"

"I told you before that you can leave this marriage anytime you want!"

"You never let me, Edward-"

"Because I never asked you to leave me, you can leave this marriage but not me-"

"Why not you!? What's so good about you, Edward that I can't go on with my life without you!? And yes, tell me, what's so good about me that you can't live a single day without me!?"

Edward stared at me for a moment before coming forward. I watched his movements as he raised his hands to cup my face, leaning towards me slowly, our noses touching and both of our lips parted.

"Don't you love me, Emily?"

My eyes widened slowly to listen those words from his mouth and when I looked up at him, I saw his eyes asking for the answer of his question but when I didn't answer, he moved his lips to brush them slighly over my cheek, just a light feather touch tingling my nerves.

I closed my eyes shut tightly in anticipation seeing his lips coming towards my own and waited for him to kiss me. But when I felt the sudden weight on my shoulder, I opened my eyes to see Edward leaning his head on my shoulder, his eyes closed in sleep. With disappointement crawling slowly in my heart , I caressed his hair gently, wrapping my arms around his waist and hugging him tightly.

Finally, the tears that I have been holding for so long, got loose and salty moisture started to drip drop by drop on the carpet. I snuggled my face in the crook of Edward's shirt, holding him tightly to support his heavy weight. Feeling pity for my own tears, I tried to wipe them as quickly as I could but they weren't willing to stop anytime soon and after a minute, I stopped struggling and let them fall on the floor.

"I love you, Edward. I love you so much!" I whispered in between my soft sobs, not caring anymore if he would hear it or not.

I didn't care anymore, I decided.

I was tired of my unrequited love for someone who didn't himself know what he actually wanted!

Edward wanted me in his life but I could never take the place of his first love in his heart!

With some little difficulty, I succeeded in placing Edward on his bed. I draped a large blanket over his sleeping form, covering his body up-to his neck and switched off the table lamp. Standing up from his side, I turned the doorknob around.

"I love you toooo" came the heavy sleep-laden voice of Edward.

My hands stopped in midway to stare wide-eyed at his sleeping form.

"Lara."