If Only He Knew novel Chapter 8

Emily's POV:

I felt horrible and disgusting. I closed my ears, trying to stuff a pillow but to no vain. Man, Edward really had some balls to have sex with Lara when I was in the next room. The walls were much of a negative soundproof than I could ever comprehend.

I closed my eyes, trying to sleep but Lara was moaning literally loud. I had to bite my lips to stop myself from shouting at her. I knew Edward was experienced in this field but did she really need to make it this obvious.

Damn her!

I sighed. It was always there, that hopelessness. It came and went but never left me.

I had always been a happy-go-lucky girl, some called me goody two shoes, some tomboy, some nerd and some boy, but I was okay. It never bothered me.

I have already been okay with everything in my life because I didn't think I deserve to complain. I was high spirited, boisterous, fierce, loud-mouthed, mature from outside but from inside, I was always scared.

Scared of losing.

I lost my grandparents and then my father.

People say you only have one dad and one mom. I guess I realised its meaning a little too early at my tender age of 13 when I lost my father in a car accident. He was chasing terrorists at that time. He was a martyr and I am so proud of him and will always be.

Mom says I looked a lot like him, and that I reminded her of him. I couldn't help but miss him. If he were here, he would always make my day by telling me about Police stuff, fighting, dodging, firing, escaping and so, so many things.

He was the one who taught me martial arts; though I wasn't good at it from start, I eventually pulled it off by practising on Edward. Heh. He really was the only one who accepted me with my flaws, even encouraging me to go with what I want in life. I didn't know at what point I fell for him but what I know is I love him.

And I don't regret it.

Though I don't deserve his love. That's the reason I never told him about my feelings. That thought of being rejected always held me back but most of my worthiness was more important. I knew I could never be anything which Lara was. I can't give him what she can.

His happiness. Hey, I didn't even have a chance against her.

I walked to my corner of the room and opened up the curtains. A soft breeze caressed my cheeks, flushing them. It was the spring season. I was never a season freak. I loved all the seasons and treated them as my friends that's why when one season goes, I kinda feel sad. I zipped open my suitcase and took out a photo of my father, placing it carefully on the side desk of my bed.

How I really want to be like him! I always wished to die like my dad, doing something big for someone. He did it for our country. And I was going to do the same, by becoming a doctor. I will be joining a hospital in months!

I went downstairs to do the dishes; Miranda had already cleaned the tables where we ate our dinner. Edward and Lara were there, of course. It was awkward to eat with her but Lara was friendly. That was what I liked about her.

Sometimes, I am proud that Edward found such an appropriate girl for himself. I smiled, remembering the times when we would play all day, doing all sorts of pranks that were ever invented or discovered.

Going over near the sink, I turned on the tap, cold water tingling my senses. Wearing a pair of gloves, I started to wash the plates when I felt the moisture on my arms. I quickly looked up only to see the ceiling, covered with glasses. I turned the tap off.

"Honey, what happened? Why are you crying?" Miranda said, her eyes concern coating her eyes, a cloth in her hands to help me clean the kitchen.

My head quickly snapped. I looked at her in confusion before placing my hands slowly over my face, as if I was afraid of the truth and reality. I felt moisture, the salt and water on my tongue, making my senses go numb. I quickly wiped them away.

"You literally dragged me, Jake! I am sorry to break it you, and to your picometer brain, Mr Anderson but in my dictionary, having a conversation means actually speaking with your mouths, not dragging the other by their shirts", I barked at him, patting my shirt clean of creases.

"I was going to talk. After dragging you off course. I didn't want Mia to know that I needed your help that's why I was borrowing you secretly, " he said defensively.

I urged him to continue. We sat in his room and he actually offered me a drink. Oh no! He is going to ask for something big.

"Emily, I want you to know that I always considered You as a potential friend, a best buddy, a nice partner in crime and a cool -"

"Get to the point already, man, before I gift your tongue to this nation, " I said.

"iwanttoapologizetomia."

"What? I am afraid I didn't unders-"

"Okay. I will say it once more. I want to.. to. Apologize. To. Mia, " he said, his head actually hung low in guilt.

"For what?" a voice said behind us and we turned our heads to see Mia standing at the door, her eyes glistening with tears.

Oh no! That wasn't good.