I'm a Girl Undercover in An All Boy's School novel Chapter 64

"Claire you're not supposed to be here yet," Eddie said, his voice shaky.

"What do you mean? You wanted to meet at eight?" I said, confused.

"Yeah and it's not eight yet. Dammit Claire. You shouldn't be here! I was making it easier on you! I was going to leave one simple note!" he said stepping back.

"Eddie careful! Remember we're on a roof. Now what are you talking about? You're scaring me. Why don't we go see your therapist?" I suggested, taking a few steps closer.

"See you don't fucking understand Claire. No one will ever understand. I can't go on. This is why you weren't supposed to come up here early. I never wanted you to see me like this," Eddie yelled at me, tears sliding down his cheeks. His whole body was shaking and his teeth were chattering. I was surprised at the use of the curse word and paused for a minute. It seemed as though every time I took a step forward he took one back. My heart was beating so fast I didn't know what to do. The side of my mind knew what he was thinking and I had to help him. I had to. "Thank you Claire for everything. The last few months have been the best months of my life."

"Eddie don't do this," I whispered, keeping my voice soft. He took one glance off of the roof and shook his head. He was now standing on the edge. He took a note out of his pocket and threw it toward me. I didn't even take the risk of moving forward to grab it.

"Eddie please," my voice cracked, but it didn't stop me. "You are so young. You have a long life ahead of you. You don't want to give it all up now. Please Eddie, if you can't find it in yourself to step down from that ledge for me then step down for yourself. Please."

"I'm sorry, I have to Claire. I have to." I didn't know those would be the last words I would ever hear from Eddie Sterling.

Time seemed to slow down in the next moment as I ran as fast as I could trying to get to him. But I never expected to watch a knife slide across his throat faster than a blink of an eye right in front of me. His body fell backwards off the building, but my arm stayed frozen in the air even after I heard the sound of his body landing on the concrete below.

I expected my best friend to get through this. I expected him to live a long happy life. I never expected him to commit suicide right in front of my eyes.

Ear piercing screams were filling the air and it only took the feeling of someone shaking my body to realize they were my own.

"Claire?" The screams didn't stop as my knees hit the floor of the rooftop. "Claire!" Drops of water fell from my eyes and slid down my face nonstop. "Claire! What's wrong?" The feeling of someone's arms wrapping around me started to disappear as my body became cold and numb. "Claire!" My name that I heard from someone's lips faded into silence as my eyes closed on their own accord and I slipped into unconsciousness.

My eyes struggled to open due to the feeling of the light shining down on my eyelids. I blinked a few times before my eyes opened completely. I knew I was in a hospital almost right away when I caught sight of the white ceilings and walls. The smell of soap and bleach was strong making me scrunch my nose up.

I grimaced when I noticed the needle that was poking my arm. Leaning over I pressed the nurse button on the remote next to me. Why was I in a hospital? I'm not in any pain.

For once my conscious didn't respond. My eyes snapped to the door and I was surprised to see Caiden standing there. He looked at me wearily and hesitantly walked toward me.

"How are you?" he asked me, taking a seat in the chair next to the bed.

"I'm fine. Why am I here?" I asked him, sitting up.

"Claire, try to remember what happened before you passed out," he told me and my eyebrows furrowed, trying to remember.

"I remember meeting Eddie at our usual spot. He told me he had something important to tell me, but then he started crying as soon as I showed up. He started thanking me for everything and then he started talking about things that didn't make sense," I told him and Caiden grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

"He told me I didn't understand and he had to before he - before he -" I broke out in tears and started hyperventilating. No, that had to of been a dream. I couldn't have lost my best friend.

"I'm sorry Claire," Caiden said, his eyes held pity and I shook my head.

I jumped in surprised when I heard a knock on the door. Sniffling, I tried to wipe all my tears off my face.

"Yeah?" I called out not moving from my spot on my floor.

"Claire, honey Nathan stopped by. He dropped this off. He thought you may want to have it," my mom said and a piece of paper slid under the door. I didn't respond and simply crawled over grabbing the folded piece of paper. I was grateful that my family was giving me time by myself to grieve.

The first thing I read had me choking on my tears.

To my lovely best friend, Claire.

I knew immediately it was Eddie's handwriting. This was the note he was going to leave me. I gasped for breath. I could do this, I told myself.

Dear Claire,

I'm sorry. Yes, I lied to you. I was never getting help from anyone. I can't go around and act like everything's okay. My parents still hate me just like my friends. You were all I had. Nothing was getting better. But, it's pretty funny if you think about it. I mean you would think that's all I would need is a lovely great best friend who pretends she's a guy. (Yes, Claire that was meant to make you smile) I wish my heart would accept that. I really do, but for some reason it doesn't. It begs for forgiveness from my parents. It begs for forgiveness from my friends. It begs for a day that allows people to see being gay is not a disease. Every day I would wish that I wasn't born with such a curse because of how I was treated. I know if I was there with you right now you would scold me. As I'm writing this, I could picture you shaking your head and placing your hand on mine telling me that I'll get through this, telling me that you're here for me no matter what and there is nothing wrong with being gay. I know you would show me that gorgeous smile that you have and just tell me all the great things life will have in store for me. This is why I apologize to you, Claire. I tried so hard to stay with you but the bullying was the final straw. I broke, I felt myself dying inside each day. Once a tree falls it can't get back up. I do hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me for this. Please do tell my parents that I will always love them and I will always be with them. Claire, please remember that I will always be with you too. I will watch you grow and be successful and I will watch you bring happiness into others' lives as you did to mine. Not once did I ever regret meeting you on that basketball court all those months ago. I will leave tonight with my heart being forever in your debt. Thank you, Claire for all you've done.

Sincerely, Edward (Eddie) Sterling

I tried to wipe the tears from my eyes, but they wouldn't stop. No words could describe the agonizing pain my heart felt as it clenched and screamed and cried for Eddie all at once. For once I couldn't be strong. I folded the letter up and curled myself in a ball on my floor and cried my heart out.