The Austin Arrangement novel Chapter 40

I wake with the feeling of dread and sadness. The dread of the day ahead and the sadness of all the hope that I have lost,now that he is gone. He's gone-It feels weird even thinking about it. I'm grieving for him I guess. Perhaps I should have been smart enough to grieve for my Father after the accident instead of all this time later.

I shouldn't have had hope!!

As I looked at myself in the mirror,I tucked a curly lock of hair behind my ear.Today is the day of the funeral,the day I burry my Father.I couldn't bare the thought of saying goodbye to him.. Just like I did my Mother.

The door to my bedroom opened slightly more than it already was,and Jeremy's face came into view."We have to um-be at the church in twenty. Are you ready to go?"His voice was low and sweet,not at all what I was used to.

I nodded my head at him in reply and walked towards him. He moved aside to let me pass,before following behind me down the stairs. Finley was standing by the door,dressed in the same fitted suit he wore to my Mother's funeral.

"Hi Fin.."I murmured,barely able to get an audible word out. I don't think I've spoken that much these past few days,I just couldn't bring myself to even hold a conversation.

"Ness."He circled his arms around me in an embrace. It was obvious by his blood shot eyes that he had been crying. "You thought the same as me, wear the same as you wore to Mom's funeral."

I pulled back and smiled lightly at my brother,but all I really wanted to do was cry."Dad liked this one.I think it was because of the high neckline and the long sleeves."

I know what you're thinking-I look like a Nun in a long black dress but it really wasn't the case. Yes,I had long sleeves and a high neck but my black dress was lace with a belt around the middle and a skirt to the knee. It was classy and even though my clothing was the last thing I cared about right now,I know I have to look a certain type of way since I'm the wife of a Billionaire.

Finley grinned."I think you're right about that,he always did want you covered up and modest. I just can't believe that he's gone,Ness. I really thought that he was going to pull it through someday."

"Me too."I heard Jeremy's footsteps coming up behind me and I couldn't help but turn around and look at him.

Ever since he spent that night in my bed,we've barely spoken a word unless we've had too. It's a little awkward.

"Are we ready to go?"He asked,and looked in my direction. Again,I just nodded my head in reply and the three of us left the house together.That thing I said about things being awkward between us,I think that's more me than him.

As we walked towards the doors of the church,I wasn't at all prepared to sit through this service or to say goodbye to him. I looked behind me and saw the faces of the people closest to me.Natasha-Alex-Tom-Ava and Jeremy I guess. Although me and him aren't that close and I don't know much about him,he's still apart of my life.

I noticed a familiar face coming my way,a face that's a little more wrinkled than the last time I saw it at my Mom's funeral."Uncle Nate,I didn't think that you were going to make it!"

"I wanted to be here for you both."He laced his arms around me,and I breathed in the smell of his old spice cologne. It reminded me so much of my Father."I couldn't miss my own brothers funeral."

I pulled back from the hug and looked at him."It's good to see you,Uncle Nate. Finley and I have missed you."

Finley gave Uncle Nate a hug."Thank you for coming. I hope you'll stay with us awhile."

"I'm so sorry,Lovely. I wish there was something that I could do."He laced his fingers with mine,before bringing my hand to his lips and kissing it. I can always count on Alex to comfort me."That husband of yours is watching us closely."

When I lifted my head up and looked across the room I noticed that Jeremy had his eyes on us,but he didn't look angry like I had expected. He looked his usual self,no more pissed off than normal. Maybe he doesn't have a problem with Alex now that he knows that he's Gay.

"You don't need to worry,he doesn't have a problem."I pressed a kiss to Alex's cheek and pulled away."I'm going to leave. I've had enough for one day."

"I understand."He smiled lightly."Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm okay-I promise. I just want some time alone.I'll call you."I turned around and left the living area,with the plan to walk home and clear my mind.I walked out of the house and into the fresh air.

I didn't say goodbye to anyone,I just couldn't. At least Finley had already made arrangements with my Uncle Nate with how he was getting back to his dorm,so I didn't have to worry about that.

"Vanessa.."Jeremy called my name from behind me,causing me to turn around. He walked the hallway and out the front door."You can't just up and leave like that-Where are you going?"

"I'm going home. I just-I just couldn't stay any longer."I turned around and walked ahead of him. Why is he coming after me? Just for show maybe!

"You can't walk,It's December and it's freezing. Come on-I'll drive you."He pulled his car keys from his pocket and walked towards his car,leaving me to follow after him.