Her Mate, The School's Player novel Chapter 43

It's like I was drowning in a waterfall of my sadness. I lean against the wall and slide down it. I hold my legs up to my chest and cross my arms over my knees. I look over at the picture on my beside table and then bury my head in my crossed arms. Why did I have to find out about werewolves? But then, if I never found out about them and they weren't real I would never have gotten Damian, sweet wonderful Damian. He has made my life complete and I am so in love with him. Every day I love him more and more, my love gets stronger for him after every obstacle we face. And Damian has given me a family, our babies.

I can't put him in pain, it's not fair on him either. But I have to carry them for the next seven months, it should be my decision. But he is also their father so it's his decision too. When I'm feeling better we'll talk about our situation and what we're going to do but right now I just want to fall asleep and maybe never wake up. Did he tell my parents and his parents while I was upstairs or is he waiting for me to be with him to tell them. I can't face them, I feel so ashamed. I feel like I disappointed them, hell I have disappointed them, I'm only seventeen and it's not just one baby it's two!

"Mommy promises to look after you two," I soothe, rubbing my belly. "And if I come to the decision...that you...both have to g-go away, I'll still make sure you're looked after with the best care. I'll make sure they treat you both just like the little princesses or princes you are." It comforted me when I talked to them, I don't know if they can hear or know what I'm saying but it made me feel happy. As much as I'm not ready I still love them, I really do. They're my babies and they'll always be.

Maybe one day if I give them up for adoption they can meet me again, when they're older and understand. Will they hate me, be mad at me!? Of course they would, they'd be like "There's the horrible woman who gave us up, was there something wrong with us? Why did we deserve to be given away, what did we do?" I can't do that to them but maybe one day they'll understand how I felt and what my intentions were.

"Amber," Damian calls. How long has he been standing outside the door? Oh please god let him not have heard me talking to the babies, I must sound pathetic if he did. I'm talking to babies the sizes of peas and I'm acting a total idiot by rubbing my belly. I look up at the door. "Baby, I know you're in there. I saw you go up and I can smell you in there." I still don't answer, I just continue to stare at the door. "Okay if you need time to think I'll give you it, just please let me come in and be with you."

"Amber! Hey, please, don't cry!" He searches for something in the room to stop my tears and grabs the ultrasound picture beside the bed. "Here, look, Amber. It's our babies." That just made me cry more. "Shit, wrong mistake." He puts the picture back on the table and rocks me back and forth in his arms like a little baby, I am a fucking baby, a baby who's about to have two babies.

"Damian, I'm going to give them up for adoption." He tenses and pulls back from me abruptly.