Daddy's Little Angel novel Chapter 17

Change...

Nothing ever remains the same...

All things and everyone is bound to change.

Change...

It is the one thing we dread, that I dread... yet anticipate.

Some are more gradual than others. Some are good and some, are the causes of most peoples night mare. Some gives a total package of happiness and despair.

I, personally on this basis, would conclude that no amount of preparedness, could prepare you well enough for it...No, nothing prepared me well enough for this change about to happen, that is already happening...

Angel, is moving out tomorrow...

Going off to college in a far away place.

Why she chose somewhere so far from home beats me. I guess I have become a burden. That's the only explanation I could come up with.

She could have just told me what college of choice she wanted in this city. I would get her in. But no! She just had to play the "I want to achieve things on my own and not have it handed to me" card on me.

Why the bloody hell does she have to work when she has me?!!

To think I have spent years after years preparing for this day. Telling my self, "when the time comes,you would be fine with it."

Now the time has finally arrived..

I can't say am handling it well.

It seem just like yesterday...

How did she grow up so fast?

Angel is all I knew...all I know. The one person I truly understand...

My life revolves around my little butterfly. It still does. And still will.

I live for her, breath for her, its like my life would hold no meaning without her. Its been just the two of us all this years.

We have been to hell and back together. To think I won't have someone to chase around and say "Darling go wear something decent! Angel, put on something warm" I won't have her here to whine, nag and tease me...I won't have to hold the responsibility of her welfare and safety like I used to.. She won't need me anymore. She'll probably forget her old man when she's away at college.

You may wonder, shouldn't he be happy that she got into college? Isn't that the joy of every parent? To see their young excel beyond them?

Of cause am elated..Its been my dream that my baby becomes more successful than I am. But you should also understand its hard to let go of the only thing you know.

Who would scare of the boys in my absence?

Who would see beyond her strong façade?

Who would reign her in?

Alright, maybe am being paranoid. But right now, I don't care.

"Dad?..."

"Dad?!!!"

Jumping up from my deep thoughts, I was faced with an irritated daughter. Angel stood in all her furious glory. She could make a full grown male wet his pants. Not like I would or anything.

"Daaad?, you're still in bed?!"

"Am sorry dear. Your old man isn't feeling too well." I replied solemnly."

"Old man? Were is that coming from? "she asked.

"You are how old? Thirty four?"

"Actually I'm thirty four plus dear." I replied with a grin that's not real. Not wanting my overly smart daughter to figure things out.

"If you miss her so much, why did you end things with her?"

"Uh?" I said snapping out of my thoughts and facing were that question came from.

"See?! You just did it again!" Angel pointed at me accusingly.

"Did what?" I asked. Feigning ignorance.

"That!" She exclaimed pointing at my face.

"What?" I asked Coolly.

"You keep spacing out. Since the beginning of this week, you've been spacing out quite often." She explained.

"And you're worried?" I asked with disbelief.

"Of cause I am. Why would you think different?"

"I don't know..." I said with a down cast tone.

"I know you loved Nora. You probably still do, but she's not really worth any of your tears." She said reaching out for my hand which I willing place in hers.

"Dad, she was the one who left you. I know you are not the best of fathers or the perfect man but you were good to her. Even far better than George was to me. And for me to say a thing like that, know it's something."

"Then why did she leave?" I asked out loud to no one in particular.

"Because she-"

"Why are you leaving me?" I asked cutting her mid sentence. Looking her in the eyes, silently pleading, clearly showing her how this is affecting me...

I loved how we talked without really talking. Just with our eyes volumes are spoken. More clearly than when words are used.

Right now, I was communicating my anger, frustration, betrayal and helplessness to her...and she just concentrates on breathing as she squeezed my hands tight.

"Oh God..." She finally breathed out.

"Dad..." She calls in a whisper that got me shivering at the rawness of emotions laced in it.

Even in this state, I can't help my wayward mind from thinking

How good that sounded coming from her mouth. How close we are to each other on my bed...

How I love holding her hands like I am now. How my heart skips a bit when she shows me care on rare occasions like this one.

A long time ago, I would have called it fatherly affection, even right now I still convince my self that it is. But deep down I can't help but feel it's something more.

I Dread and anticipate what I may discover. This feeling eating me alive...

"Dad...? Speak to me please..." I heard her say quietly as I try my best to keep my emotions in check.

"Dad...why aren't you looking at me?" she whispered as she places one hand on my shoulder and a the other underneath my chin. Tugging gently, trying to get my attention. Still to no avail.

another on the tip of my nose.

"You ..."

and this one made me shiver as she placed a kiss to the side of my mouth, way too close to my lips. Making my heart pound and my breath itch. Her lips lingered there and she did something more alarming. I felt her taste my skin with her tongue.

Before I realised what I was doing, I pulled her close to me and buried my face in the crook of her neck earning a gasp from her. I am this close to letting go...this is hard... I thought to myself.

"D.A.D..I can't. breath." She managed to squeak.

"I love you." I Said out loud

"Its only four years dad" she assured rubbing small circles on my back.

"We would be fine.." She concluded.

Loosing my grip and staying at arms length, so that I can see her face, I frown.

"You look and talk like a 50 year old." I told her.

"Oh!" why, thank you, I am a bad and smart ass and let's not forget hot and sexy 50 year old.

"Look at you!" she said with a gasp.

"You are sulking like a 5 year old and is that grey hair I see?" she said pointing at my hair.

"Well , well, well, and the pot calls the kettle black" she said with a smirk.

"I do not have grey hair" I shouted, sprinting to the bathroom to check. The horrified look on my face must have been comical or was it the way I flew up from the bed? cause Angel was laughing like a mad woman.

"Angel?" I called

"Hmm?" She answered after calming down.

"There isn't any grey hair is there?" I asked annoyed that she tricked me yet again.

"Nope, but it sure got your lazy and grumpy butt out of bed.

She said with a grin.

"I'll kill you." I murmured.

"Hey! I heard that old man. Beside how was I to know you'd fall for such" she asked.

"Make it snappy and let's get to business. If you behave we could go to the club tonight" she said.

"You are the child Angel, I am the parent." I reprimanded.

"Sure, that's what you think. I'll leave you to do your business."

"Awee, can't mummy be a darling and come and wash little Jacky?" I cooed.

"That's just so wrong on all levels dad! and gross. I'll be in my room if you need me." With that she left my room.

I took in deep breaths. Maybe her going to college is good for both of us. Maybe, just maybe, this strange feeling would fade in time. But a voice in my heard asked." Is that what you truly want?...."

My answer?

Truth be told, I don't know.