Daddy's Little Angel novel Chapter 48

Today has me riding on a high called happiness.

I never knew coming to terms with myself about the baby , communicating and letting things go would bring me so much peace.

Now that it's all over, I feel like I've invested my energy into cultivating negative emotions and hurting my self for nothing.

I'm not saying I'm over this totally, A baby is huge. Especially if it turns out to be really his. But I'm slowly preparing my mind for it. Not like I'm ever gonna be prepared enough.

Looking at the man laying beside me has me having mixed feeling's. Happiness, pride, remorse, pain.

Remorse for all I put him through this few months.

Through out this whole ordeal, I haven't been the only one that took a hit. Jack took major hit having to come to terms with the news of an unplanned baby, managing the issue of paparazzi, dealing with my grandparents, ex-fiance and mostly me. Yet having to balance it with the heavy work load as he delt with competitors and client, while nursing a fractured heart must have been hell.

I don't know if it's right but though I knew all this, I wanted qto be selfish, no not just selfish, I wanted him to hurt the way I was hurting. But then all I felt was pain and remorse when I saw how willing he was to bleed for my sake. How hard he was trying to right the wrongs that was out of both our hands and how gentle and loving he was irrespective of all I dished out.

Coming to this revelation makes me happy knowing that I was blessed with a man that has me in his heart and puts my happiness first. Someone who understands me so well. Knows when to fight with me, along side me and for me. He is the sweetest, always letting me have my way but at the same time, knows what he wants and how to get it in a way that allows the other party still keep their pride. Does that even make sense?

I am proud of this man that admit his wrongs, who embraces his strength and works daily towards perfection not for himself , but for the sake of those he loves.

Looking at the man who has experienced life ups and downs along side me, I feel a sudden distress.

I love this man to death but I really suck when it comes to expressing good feelings. It's like my being was programmed to know only how to express negative emotions. I want to be mushy in love too. I want to be cheesy, childish and fun. I want to show Jack how he makes me feel. That he affects me...but I just don't know how. When I try, I mess it all up.

Signing heavily, I took one last look at my man sleeping peacefully before deciding to get up quietly to wash up and prepare for the day, only to feel strong arms wrap around my waist followed by a very rough deep voice that belongs to Jack startling me

"Where do you think your going?"

"You're awake?" I asked right back , turning to face him.

"Yes. Right from the very moment of your intense stare." He replied with a mischievous glint in his eyes

"Oh..." I drawled. Not really knowing what to say.

"What oh? I was expecting more than you just ogling me." He said in an accusatory tone.

"Ugh? " I asked dumfounded.

Seeing my sluggish and poor response, he let out a laugh while shaking his head before saying;

"You are really not a morning person."

'You are so muddle headed which brings me to ask, what made you wake so early ? You were so deep in thought while staring at me.

What were you thinking so deeply about?" He prob.

"Nothing!" I said too sudden

"If it were nothing, you would have noticed that I was awake long enough. So what were you stressing about love?" he asked while giving me a kiss on the forehead.

"Jack..."

"But I- " I began to say but he stopped me.

"Angel, you dont have to do anything okay?"

" I don't really deserve you going all out and overboard. I mean look at me, I claim to love you with my life but I always hurt you just has much if not even more. I should let you go at this point but I can't. That's not love, it's selfishness. Don't paint me to be an Angel. I am far from being selfless."

He said frustration and pain laced in his voice.

I felt heartbroken seeing the man I would willingly bleed for look so dejected and lost, so unsure...

Taking his hands in mine said;

"Look at me Jack, and listen."

"Love is sometimes selfish Jack. Love also comes with hurt. Everyone in our life will hurt us at some point Jack, it's up to us to decide what's more important.

The hurt? Or the person?."

"To me you are more important.

We'll hurt each other unintentionally in the future and I'll keep forgiving you. Not 'cause it doesn't hurt so bad, but 'cause you are more important than the pain.

I'll aways choose you Dad, always. To the moon and back."